Posts Tagged ‘chuck norris jokes’

tells chuck norris jokesYou’re out with a group of friends and one of them tells a hilarious joke about a priest, rabbi, and duck who walk into a bar.  After the punch-line and before the laughter even dies down, he chimes in trying to piggyback off the previous joke.  “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.”  Huh?  Who said that?  “Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.  He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.”  What did he just say?  Really?  “There is no theory of evolution.  Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.”  Wow…

He appears to be the last person on the block to get caught up in Chuck Norris jokes.  Although my grandmother told me that “when Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down” as we watched Walker: Texas Ranger during a recent visit to her nursing home, he has just caught on to the “phenomena.”

He takes every opportunity to spout off such gems as “Chuck Norris does not sleep.  He waits.” or “Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.”  You could be having a guys’ poker night and win the pot with the hand of a lifetime – a royal flush – and he chimes in with “Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.”  You could ask him to help you with your chemistry homework and he would reply with “Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.”  He could be the IT guy in your office, you call him up for help, and rather than explaining what “TPS Error” means, he informs you that “There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’ computer.  Chuck Norris is always in control.”  You could even ask something innocuous like what time is it and he will tell you that “Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; He decides what time it is.”

After telling one of these jokes, hopefully he is proud of himself when he looks in the mirror.  Too bad he isn’t Chuck Norris because “when Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears.  There can never be a second Chuck Norris.”


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