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Archive for July, 2009

Honey, let’s go to Sears Portrait Studio and ask for a Hudson River School background with soft-light effects for our family picture.  Plus, we need to class it up and go shirtless while you’re preggers.

pregnant-couple

from Awkward Family Photos

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I, your Nerd King, command you “At the Title Screen press Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start” and 007 373 5963.  Go forth, and do my bidding!

video games

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And you wonder why the ladies only speak to you at SciFi-Con and Comic-Con

tron

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You got up this morning and thought Alf was a good choice for your first day of school

first day fo school

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I was at the park today, something came up, and then things got a little weird…

awkward in park

from Awkward Boners

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So I’m back and just now starting to revamp the site.  There will be some changes that I phase in over the next few days and weeks so be patient.  I’ll try to make as many new posts as I can but it may take a few days to get back in the swing of things.  We hope you enjoy!

In case you were wondering why there haven’t been any new updates lately, I’ve been on vacation and won’t be back for two more weeks.  Check back soon for a lot of new material and an all new format.  Sorry to disappoint anyone, but thanks for understanding and hanging in there.  Make sure to check back!

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inuendo guy“That Guy” has perfected his oral skills to the point that he has become a cunning linguist.  He doesn’t abide by any firm and hard rules when he uses sexual innuendo to pick up women; he has an unlimited supply of pick-up lines engorged with double entendres ready to be presented to a woman at a moments notice.

So just what is sexual innuendo?  Some view it as the masterful manipulation of the human language writhing and contorting it to impress women.  “That Guy” gently caresses his words to subtly insinuate that he would like to engage in sexual relations with the woman he has set his sights on.  Each “That Guy” has his own unique, and often exotic, technique to discharge his sexual innuendo.  He introduces verbal foreplay in the form of supple word choice and well rounded metaphors.  His objective is to have the innuendo’s recipient understand and wrap their hands around its intended meaning.  His ultimate goal is to satisfy all the women he slips these lines to.  “That Guy” strives at all costs to avoid flaccid phrases that fall limp.  He has investigated and tested all phrases before they are used; any that do not meet his high standards are thrown out through the back door.  If he is having writers block and is not particularly pleased with the new double entendres he has been working on, he throws them out two handfuls at a time.

To better understand the use of such phrases by “That Guy,” we must fully penetrate the situations in which he implements sexual innuendo.  As previously stated, there are no rigid rules as to when “That Guy” uses the innuendo.  At times “That Guy” may take it slow looking long and hard for the perfect time to fill a hole in the conversation with his innuendo.  At other times, he thrusts the double entendres into tight spaces where they normally wouldn’t fit; “That Guy” just massages and whispers sweet nothings to them until they are successfully inserted into the conversation.  Here are some common examples of sexual innuendo that he may attempt to use when speaking with a woman:

– Do you like jigsaw puzzles?  Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.

– I seemed to have misplaced my buried treasure; can I look around your chest?

– If you were aspirin, I would take you every four to six hours.

– Do you know karate?  ‘Cause your body is really kickin’.

– You’ve been a bad girl.  Go to my room.

With all that sexual innuendo, you sure said a mouthful “That Guy.”

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