As a parent, all you can do is work hard, teach them well, and hope for the best. Sometimes your kids don’t turn out quite as you hope they would but you love them regardless. Sometimes you luck out and they’re upstanding citizens and productive members of society. And other times, they don’t listen to a word you say, look and act like Bizarro you, and people wonder how you two are related. In this case, it sucks to be you because your kid just turned out cooler than you. Now make yourself scarce and go get him a juice box, little man and I have some business to discuss.
Archive for November, 2009
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged awkward, bizarro world, child rearing, children, comedy, entertainment, fail, family, friends, funny, humor, husband, jokes, juice box, kids, life, marraige, musings, observations, parenthood, parenting, pet peeves, productive member of society, random, relationships, thoughts, upstanding citizen, wife, you might be that guy if on November 30, 2009| Leave a Comment »
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged awkward, bathroom, blackberry, bluetooth, cell phone, comedy, computer, crackberry, entertainment, ewww, fail, funny, gross, humor, internet, is this good for the company?, jokes, lap top, life, media, multitasking, musings, nasty, observations, office space, pet peeves, random, restroom, restroom etiquette, stink palm, technology, thoughts, workplace, you might be that guy if on November 26, 2009| 1 Comment »
He’s all for efficiency and saving both time and resources. He’s no time thief. On a daily basis, he asks himself “…for every decision [I] make, is this good for the company? Am I helping with the company’s strategic vision?”
That’s great he is so committed to the company and what he does. But really, can he not take a five minute break for a little personal time? We’ve all had that sinking suspicion that when we’re on the phone with him, something isn’t quite right. There’s an odd echo. His voice periodically sounds like he is straining. You’re hearing noises that you shouldn’t hear on a regular phone call. You wonder to yourself if the call signals got crossed. Sadly no, your deepest and darkest fear has come true. He has been multitasking while in the bathroom.
Although we’re sure (i.e. hope and pray) he washed his hands when he was done and used a hand wipe on his electronic gadgets, just to be in the free, don’t ask if you can use his phone or laptop. And no sir, I will not shake your hand. I have no interest in a 0.0000000001% chance of an inadvertent stink palm.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged American Idol, comedy, couples, dating, entertainment, fail, football, funny, Glee, humor, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, jokes, kangol, life, living together, love, MANswers, married, men & women, moving in together, musings, observations, pet peeves, Project Runway, public display of affection, random, relationships, romance, saturday night live, So You Think You Can Dance, thoughts, Tim Gunn, you might be that guy if on November 25, 2009| Leave a Comment »
It’s one thing that they do all the annoying couple things that we hate to see – finish each others sentences, eat off of each others plates without asking, have couple inside jokes, and show more unnecessary and disgusting pda than the Hot Tub Lovers from Saturday Night Live.
However, they have been together so long that it’s arguable that they’ve gotten a little too comfortable in their relationship. The mystery is gone and the curtain has lifted:
– They’ve started to watch the same tv shows. Here’s their TiVo show list: Glee, MANswers, American Idol, Secret Girlfriend, So You Think You Can Dance, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Project Runway. Surprisingly, the last one is his choice because he thinks Tim Gunn has a “snappy sense of style” and is a “great mentor figure for the designers.”
– They’ve started to dress alike. Guess which one is wearing Lane Bryant stretch pants and who’s wearing sweat pants, they’ll never tell. And who can forget Kangol – thank goodness for their matching his and hers tracks suits that come with complementary newsie hats.
– Hygiene has been thrown out the door. Let’s just leave it at that.
– They’ve adopted the same mannerism. She watches tv with one hand down her pants and he tries on multiple outfits before heading out to get “just the right look.”
– They’ve imparted useless knowledge upon each other. He finally knows where the Oyster Fork is located on a formal place setting and she can identify his favorite football team’s “Strong Right Motion 84 Pass-Pitch” play by how the players line up from the huddle.
– Last and not least, they’ve begun to use the bathroom with the door open. There’s no secrets between them after this. When visiting them, make sure to never show up unannounced or let your curiosity get the best of you and go into the bathroom with your eyes open. There are no winners in that game.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged awkward, b boy, break beat, club, comedy, dance, dance craze, dance floor, dance party, dancing, dancing queen, deejay, disco, electric slide, electronic, entertainment, fail, funny, hip-hop, house music, humor, jerkin, jokes, mtv, music, musings, observations, random, red bull, red bull bc one, ricky bobby, stanky leg, stanky legg, swag surfin, thoughts, ymca, you might be that guy if, youtube on November 23, 2009| Leave a Comment »
Although he thinks that with his dance and breaking skills he should be in the finals of the Red Bull BC One b-boy battle, when he gets out on the dance floor the question arises as to who will get hurt first – him or those dancing around him. Although he has “mastered” the likes of the Electric Slide, the Hustle, and the YMCA dance, people often ask if he is okay when he dances because it appears to the casual onlooker that he is having some type of seizure on the dance floor. God forbid if he ever discovers MTV or Youtube because I don’t know if we can handle his loose (and by loose I mean train wreck) interpretations of Jerkin’, the Stanky Legg, the Ricky Bobby, or Swag Surfin’.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged appearance, awkward, beard, comedy, entertainment, facial hair, fail, fashion, funny, goatee, grooming, hair, high school, humor, johnny depp, jokes, life, men, moustache, moustache comb, musings, observations, peach fuzz, pet peeves, porn stache, puberty, random, shave, shaving, side burns, stubble, style, teen, teenager, teenagers, teens, thoughts, you might be that guy if on November 19, 2009| 3 Comments »
It’s coming in here and here, but not so much here, here, and here. Should we tell him that it’s not quite as full and luxurious as he believes? Maybe that moustache comb as a gift is a little premature. By the way, Johnny Depp called and he wants his facial hair back.