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Posts Tagged ‘girls night out’

Although he believes he is slick and no one is on to his act, he’s not that hard to spot from a mile away.  We’re on to every one of his scams, cons, hustles, hoodwinks, gambits, flimflams, stratagems, and bamboozles.  No self respecting man’s man would ever want to try out that hot new tea house down the street, get excited about going shoe shopping, or have a Sex and the City viewing party with themed cosmos.  He’s attempting to put time in with the girls in the slim hopes that one of them will eventually think of him as more than a friend.  He acts like he’s just one of the girls, but we know better.

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You and your friends decided to switch it up a little and not go to your regular hangout.  Instead, someone suggested going out to the local bar with a DJ and dance floor.  Sounds good everyone thinks; however, little did they know those were famous last words.  You arrive, get a lay of the place, and head over to the bar for the first round of drinks.  After the third round, the women in your group are swaying to the beat and singing along to the chorus of the music playing.  As anyone knows when you’re out with girls in a club, those are two of the universal signs that it’s time to move out to the dance floor before someone tries to get up and dance on the table or a chair.  Preemptively cutting off a scene with a bouncer or having someone crumpled up in a ball on the floor with a twisted ankle, everyone picks up their drinks and heads to a nice looking spot on the dance floor.  You’re feeling the song and have just enough liquid courage to be coordinated and look pretty good out there.  Things are going well and everyone is having a great time until you notice him dancing alone behind one of the girls in the group.  He didn’t come with you, no one seems to know him, and no one invited him over to dance with you guys.  So the question on everyone’s mind is who exactly is he?  In case you haven’t figured it out – spoiler alert – he’s the creepy old guy at the club.

We’ve all encountered him on a night out with friends.  Similar to the guy who pops into other people’s photographs, he’s the guy who creeps around in the shadows of the club only to emerge at opportune times when he can slither onto the floor and dance with unsuspecting ladies.  Materializing on 80s Night or other events that cater to women such as “Ladies Night” or half-priced martini drink specials, he always appears to be the one club goer who is out of place.  Wearing a Member’s Only windbreaker, “mom jeans”, and sensible sneakers, he hangs out on the sidelines until he locks on to an unsuspecting target.  Doing what can only be described as an awkward shuffle and head bob, he slowly moves towards circles of friends, and especially women, on the dance floor.  Careful not to draw attention to himself, he doesn’t directly ask anyone to dance.  He tries to remain inconspicuous while dancing behind and alongside women preoccupied with their friends and having a good time.  But if he is ever caught or levied nasty glances by the group, he sheepishly dance-shuffles back to the shadows to stalk his next target.

You almost feel sorry for him – the key word being almost.  Hey, he’s got a pretty good life.  He’s got his own efficiency apartment with a futon, a sweet black light, a terrarium with a pet snake, and his own mini-fridge well stocked with Hot Pockets.  He drives a 1987 Toyota Corolla in near average condition.  He’s got a good job as a telemarketer for a male-enhancement supplement company.  And he’s got the entire box set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for his viewing pleasure.  This tiny dancer is certainly living the high life so please don’t pity him and his club behavior.

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