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Posts Tagged ‘concert’

Smoking is dangerous for your health because if you ask me one more time if I can spare a cigarette I’m going to punch you square in the balls.

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ironic tshirt

He spends his days searching thrift stores and his nights pouring over the internet looking for the perfect t-shirt.  He has very high standards for his shirts.  Regardless of their quality or condition, they at a minimum must be clever, if not ironic.  He likes his t-shirts to have a message and tell you something about himself.  Here are a few fun and informative facts about him as presented by his t-shirts:

– He was a member of the Whackin’ Wizards team that won the 1986 Buddy C. Clancey Junior High kickball tournament.

– He watches the Thundercats, Captain Planet, and He-Man.

– You’d better keep an eye on him because he supports the Cobras in their epic war against the Joes.

– Jesus is his homeboy.

– He supports his furry friends like the Rescue Rangers, Gizmo, or any of the creatures from Fraggle Rock or Sesame Street.

– His tuxedo t-shirt lets you know that he can be formal and knows when to dress up but relaxed enough to want to party.

– He is single handedly trying to bring back the 1970s retro sports team logos for the NBA, ABA, NFL, and MLB.

– Although he was only three years old, he wants to let you know he somehow got tickets to the 1990 California Raisins concert and worldwide tv event Raisins: Sold Out!  Additionally, he must have a time machine in his basement because he has “vintage” concert t-shirts for bands like the Clash and the Rolling Stones from their respective 1983 world tours.

– He does his civic duty by letting everyone he passes know that he believes “Crack is Whack” even though he was born after N.W.A. came Straight Outta Compton in 1988.

– If, perhaps, your weekend if free, his t-shirt advertises that he has two tickets to the gun show.  You’d better call soon because they look like they may go fast.  He also is offering moustache rides for 5¢.  At a price like that, how could you not take him up on his offer!

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You consider Guitar Hero a musical instrumentWe’ve all seen him at the local video arcade or Chuck-E-Cheese.  Formerly hooked on Dance Dance Revolution, his new addiction is Guitar Hero.  After a riveting game of whack-a-mole and an awkward trip to the ball pit, he exchanges his paycheck for a stack of game tokens.  Even after a few coughs and remarks from parents commenting on letting the kids have a chance to play, he has no qualms about making everyone wait in line as he tries to achieve “Guitar God” status regardless of how long or how much money it takes.  Little Suzy is just going to have to wait even though it is her birthday.

He seems to forget that Guitar Hero is a video game and not a real musical instrument.  Although he has been consistently reminded by friends and acquaintances not to take it so seriously (just like when he plays pick up basketball), he is oblivious to the obvious.  He downloads music to his iPod based on what songs are on the latest version of Guitar Hero or popular on the Guitar Hero music catalogue.  He spends his free time watching Youtube videos of others playing Guitar Hero to “brush up on his technique” and really figure out how to “shred.”  Once he gets his confidence up, he plans on going to the local sports bar for the Guitar Hero “open mic” night to “kill it.”  Hopefully someone reminds him what happens when he reaches the magical 1,000,000 points level prior to his public debut…

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playing in fieldWe’ve all encountered “That Guy” at one point in our lives.  He most likely emerges at some point in late high school playing Stairway to Heaven or something by AC/DC in a garage band.  In college, he sits on his porch or in the quad playing for a group of girls.  At this point in his life, he has moved up to playing Dave Matthews Band or something from an indie group like the Shins, the Decembrists, or Death Cab for Cutie.  Once he graduates with a philosophy, art history, or creative writing degree, he moves to “the city” to pursue his dreams of being a famous singer/songwriter who becomes rich and famous while never selling out.  This almost certainly means he will wind up in New York City; however, he may also go to other cities such as Austin, San Francisco, or Portland.  He will dabble with writing his own material and play in local fair trade coffee shops and bars that serve drinks in mason jars on open mike night hoping to get his big break.  He plays a fifteen minute set with three of his own songs and closes the show with a slowed down acoustic version of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”

After never making it big because he refused to sell out and produce commercial radio-friendly music, he longs to return to the days of sitting in the quad on a Tuesday afternoon impressing the ladies with his overly-nasally, slightly out of tune, sing-speak, Jason Mraz sounding, sensitive guy with an acoustic guitar crooning.

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megadeath band tshirts - eyes blocked offAs you’re waiting to get into a show at a club or an arena, you glance up and see him a few people ahead of you in line.  Note that if the concert is a metal act such as Metallica or Megadeth; a not-so-metal acts like Kiss or Def Leppard; a 70s band on their 9th reunion world tour like Rush or Fleetwood Mac; a band whose fans travel the country following their tour like Phish, Dave Matthews Band, or Widespread Panic; or any kind of southern rock or country act; “That Guy” will most likely be with a group of similarly dressed “Those Guys.”

They wear the band’s shirt as if to say:  (i) I am a true fan who have been following _____ (insert name of band) since _____ (date listed on concert shirt); (ii) I am the OG Superfan of _____ (insert name of band) because as you can see, my t-shirt is worn in and not purchased at the concession stand although that is where I got it last time I saw _____ (insert name of band) in concert; (iii) I am wearing a t-shirt of _____ (insert name of band) so you should approach me so that I may tell you about their show on _____ (insert date) at _____ (location) which was their best live show for the following 25 reasons; or (iv) You like _____ (insert name of band), I like _____ (insert name of band).  That’s crazy; we should stand next to each other during the concert and then stop by Denny’s for a Grandslam later.

They try to rationalize by saying they are following the “rules” that they found on the internet of when it’s okay to wear the band’s t-shirt to the concert if, for instance, you wear an older concert t-shirt to the new tour if at least eight years have passed since that tour.  Or they may just say they are a real fan just supporting the band.  Regardless, before leaving the house that night they checked the mirror to see how they looked and should have listened to that little voice in the back of their head saying “Don’t be ‘That Guy.’”

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