Posts Tagged ‘cell phone’

OMG – ROTFLMAO!  After reading your last text, IHMAIWD.  No I will not sext with you and if you ask me one more time I’m getting rid of my phone and going to try to bring back pagers.  Just SMITF and get it over with.


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He’s all for efficiency and saving both time and resources.  He’s no time thief.  On a daily basis, he asks himself “…for every decision [I] make, is this good for the company?  Am I helping with the company’s strategic vision?”

That’s great he is so committed to the company and what he does. But really, can he not take a five minute break for a little personal time?  We’ve all had that sinking suspicion that when we’re on the phone with him, something isn’t quite right.  There’s an odd echo.  His voice periodically sounds like he is straining.  You’re hearing noises that you shouldn’t hear on a regular phone call.  You wonder to yourself if the call signals got crossed.  Sadly no, your deepest and darkest fear has come true.  He has been multitasking while in the bathroom.

Although we’re sure (i.e. hope and pray) he washed his hands when he was done and used a hand wipe on his electronic gadgets, just to be in the free, don’t ask if you can use his phone or laptop.  And no sir, I will not shake your hand.  I have no interest in a 0.0000000001% chance of an inadvertent stink palm.

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bluetooth-headsetGenerally speaking, cell phones and wireless technology are great things.  We’ve gone from an age of computers taking up entire buildings and Zack Morris cell phones to having all-in-one smartphones and California being governed by a Cyberdyne Systems Model T-101 sent back from the future to protect us.  Oh what a wonderful world we live in!

However, one of the most questionable inventions besides the venetian-style glasses made popular by Kanye West is the Bluetooth earpiece/headset.  It’s all too common of a sight.  You’re walking past someone on the street that at first glance appears to be talking and laughing to themselves as if they have some form of mental illness.  Before you have the chance to inform the authorities that there is an escaped metal patient on the loose, you spot that all too familiar blue glow coming from their ear.

You are a very important business person conducting very important business or someone on the cutting edge of technology.  You are so busy that you cannot be bothered to hold a two-ounce cell phone the size of a matchbook up to your ear to talk.  You need your hands free as you sit in a quite coffee shop or stand in a crowded elevator to gesture wildly as you tell the person on the other side of the conversation about your evening with the girl you took home from the bar last night.  Because you don’t have a phone receiver near your mouth, you need to talk twice as loud just to make sure the person you are talking to can hear you – not to mention everyone else within a half-mile radius.  When you sit down to speak with someone, you can’t risk missing an important call from the organizer of your live action role playing group so you refuse to take the earpiece or headset off.  When you get in line to order a coffee or food, you make sure to continue taking the call just so you can confuse the person taking your order and annoy everyone in line behind you.  When someone says something to you, make sure to give them a look like do you know who you are talking to before you go back to your conversation.  Just in case you were wondering, yes we do know who we are talking to… “That Guy.”

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