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Posts Tagged ‘adult movies’

Not that anyone from YMBTGI has ever been to an adult bookstore (cough, averted gaze, scratching the back of our neck…), but this is how we would picture him behind the counter: DJ Qualls and Clint Howard had a child through some miracle of science, then Anne Ramsey (better known as Ma Fratelli from The Goonies) had a child with Steve Buscemi, and somehow in the not too distant future the two disturbing babies hooked up and gave birth to him.

What he lacks in appearance aside, he is able to impress with his almost ubiquitous knowledge of adult movies and “accessories”.  He can point you in the right direction for just about anything you want, could possibly want, and now wish you had never heard of after he showed it to you that one time.  Whatever you do, don’t ask him what he has in the back for his favorite customers.  But hey, if you do ask for some reason, at least you’ll find out how to delicately wrap a package in non-descript plain brown paper.

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look at porn in publicRather than hide his stack of porn magazines and adult videos under his bed or in his sock drawer, he proudly displays them for all visitors to see.  Like most people with their copies of Vanity Fair or National Geographic, he has his copies of Playboy, Penthouse, and Perfect 10 out on the coffee table for his guests to peruse at their leisure.  To complement the ample assortment of adult erotica scattered throughout his house, he has framed posters of his favorite adult movies such as Edward Penishands, Lord of the G-Strings, Harry Peter and the Sorceror’s Bone, and classics like Spankenstein and Breast Side Story.

And forget any legitimate use for his computer.  The only on-line media outlet he visits and trusts for fair and balanced news is AVN.  The desktop background on his computer is a still from his favorite adult video Buffy The Vampire Layer.  Forget flying toasters or snaking tubes; his screensaver is two busty ladies doing, well, pretty much what you think they would be doing in his brand of film.

Out in public at the library, in a crowded coffee shop, or even the Apple Store?  No problem!  He has no qualms with checking out his favorite sites or IMing lonely local ladies who are looking for a good time.  Beware and watch out when he bumps into you on the street because it isn’t laundry day and it most likely isn’t quarters in his pocket…

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