If you ever need to locate him, look no further than Dumbledore’s at Diagon Alley – the local comic book store. He’s a part time clerk and lords over the place like it is his own personal Middle-earth. With a supercilious attitude, he presides over the store pointing out story line inconsistencies and visual flaws in the newest releases. Think Comic Book Guy, sans the wit and sarcasm.
He has amassed a collection of rare and vintage action figures that rivals only that of Steve Carell’s character, Andy Stitzer, in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Sure, he’s got Steve Austin and Oscar Goldman. But unlike Andy, he’s got the even more obscure Six Million Dollar Man character action figure – Peggy Callahan, secretary to Oscar Goldman.
In addition to the obvious characters from Marvel Comics and DC Comics, he has figures from lesser known sources such as the graphic novels of Frank Miller, anime, and manga. Plus, he collects quite a bit of underground and obscure material that you haven’t even heard of so he won’t take the time to even explain it to you.
Similar to Andy, he “lives alone… enjoys video games, [has a] framed a poster of eighties rock band Asia, and his social life seems to consist of watching Survivor with his elderly neighbors.” Now that we think about it some more, he is also forty years old and still a virgin. Huh. That’s a not so surprising coincidence we are in no way shocked to realize. If that’s the case, I wonder if he has his own personal copy of Boner Jams ’09 – a mixtape of all his favorite boner scenes in the summer of 2009…