Walking into the room with what can only be described as a shag chest carpet, he looks like a stunt double for a 70s porn star. It appears he is frozen in a time and era that has never before heard of the word manscaping.
He has a full and thick moustache modeled after the “biker” from the Village People. His chest hair sticks out from his open shirt like a groundhog checking to see how many more weeks of winter there will be. Accentuated by gold chains and medallions, his thicket of chest hair is used to cover up his moobs [man boobs]. Like an uncontrollable weed outbreak, hair is not isolated to just his chest and face. His back, forearms, legs, and feet are blanketed in body hair. PETA has repeatedly thrown red paint on him thinking he was wearing a fur coat only to subsequently realize he was walking around shirtless while wearing shorts. And did we forget to mention that his happy trail looks like a chia-pet trying to escape from his pants?
With so much body hair, he must take special precautions when hiking through the woods as he is often mistaken for Bigfoot or a yeti. Did he shave a sheep, lather up in molasses, and then roll around in the wool? Nope, that’s all him. But its okay; he and his other bear friends are into the doughy physique and excessive body hair.